It seems I always start every journal with it's been a while, but it kind of has been a while. June. Not much going on in my life. Stressed and depressed as usual. Other then that I've been going to school, and thinking about finding a job. I dunno. Anyways I had a very interesting dream last night I've decided to share because I can. There's so much language in this one you should prolly keep your kiddies from reading it with you. Although, it might make an interesting bedtime story. Infact, yes, read this as a bedtime story, much better then freaking Rupunzel anyways.

I don't rememember how it started, but I remember I was abducted by this guy, who brought me to his place in the basement (it could have been a warehouse thing actually, I don't remember), and there was one of those oldfashoned potbelly stoves that you put fire wood in to keep the room warm. He was saying some weird shit, asking where the ghost was or something. Lol yes, I could see ghosts in this dream for some reason.

I honestly didn't know, so I just kind of sat and shrugged. Then I hear a "I can't stay! I can't stay!" and I look down and I knew a ghost was being dragged through the floor and out of the room, like we were in an anti-ghost area or something. I glared at the guy, who I can't remember much about except he was in a white button up shirt and had brown hair.

He didn't say anything and left the room, left me in the weird basement place with the fire. So I sat there, kind of upset for a while before I got up and started looking around for some place to escape from. Stupid room had nowhere to escape from. So I sat again, annoyed cause I was in a tightish kind of dress that kind of resmebled my halloween dress without the modifications. It wasn't lingerie though, that was good. I remember my legs hurting for some reason, but being too annoyed to care. So I closed my eyes and tried to find my ghostie friend, who I remember not much about except for his voice and the fact that he was a he.

I didn't get too far before a door opened and I looked over to see white outside like it was snowing, and three men walk into the basement warehouse thing. One is my captor, the other one I never see again until the end, and the third looks really familiar.

So they walk in and they're talking about where I should be staying, bla bla. I wasn't really paying attention in the dream, I was just kind of annoyed. So the familiar guy comes up and grabs my arm after they finish talking and he drags me to this car and tells me to get in. So I do. I really didn't care I was abuducted the whole time I was dreaming this dream. xD

Anyways, we get to this house in the burbs, and I freaking recognise this house. It's my friend's house. I never see my friend(who isn't Ali), but I do see her sister, who looks a lot like Pheonix's sister, let's just call her Jessica. XD Anyways, I now realize that this familiar guy is familiar because he's my friend's dad, but not Pheonix's dad. If that makes sense... Prolly not.

Anyways, I get put into this bedroom, and someone explains to me that if I'm not going to say what they want to know, that in 2 days they would come and cut off my legs. Yeh, my brain isn't fucked up or anything. They aren't going to rape me, or kill me, or torture me in any way, just cut off my fucking legs.

Insentive to get the fuck out of there? I should think so! So I started by texting some people, who these people are, I don't really know, but I'm trying to get it so someone knocks on the front door and I escape out the back with a friend and my friend's really damn fast car. I have it set up so my best friend (in this case the one with the fastest car) is going to come pick me up.

I'd like to point out the major flaws in my captors plan: 1. I could sneak out of that room any time I wanted to so I could go listen to their conversations. 2. THEY LET ME KEEP MY PHONE. 3.They were really nice and gave me two days to plan my escape. 4. THEY LET ME KEEP MY PHONE.

The flaw in my plan: I didn't call the cops, but, looking back on this whole thing, telling the cops I could see ghosts and was abducted by some guy threatening to cut off my legs, probably wouldn't get me very far. They'd probably just tell me to lay off the crack for a while. heh.

Ok so, I'm setting up this daring rescue for myself, because no one misses me. I get caught with my phone by 'Jessica' and she takes it away, and throws it in the giant fishtank. Yes, a giant fish tank she referred to as the aquarium. Shitty aquarium if you ask me, there was nothing in it except water and some pebbles on the bottom, but -shrugs-

At this point I'm running out of time, but the last text to my friend went though and they were going to come get me. Meanwhile Jessica is giving me this odd kind of lecture about me being stupid, and trying to escape, and how she was the best and wasn't going to let me. She talked for a long time. At this point I could have escaped because she was just talking but I was too amused to not sit through this whole speech about me eventually losing my legs. Even in my dream I thought this was retarded.

My ghost buddy came back, but he was silent the whole time, and this made me upset, so I go back to my 'room' and sit to wait for my distraction to get there, kind of depressed. Anyways, Jessica comes to my room when the doorbell rings to take me out to the foyer. We get halfway down the stairs when the door opens. Which sucks cause they were supposed to come to me, in my room when the doorbell rang so I cold escape, but that's what happened. So there's the three leg stealing assholes at the door, and they hand Jessica this pink slip I'm supposed to sign, so they can take off my legs. Yeah, I have to sign a release form for my own fucking legs.

I know what you're thinking. Just refuse to sign it, Duh! But me, being the morbid person I am, thought this and then thought "this is farrr too amusing to not sign, they're asking permission to hack off my legs because I won't tell them something." So I rolled my eyes, made a couple really sarcastic comments, and snatched the paper from Jessica, whose eyes were the size of plates when I just haphazardly signed my name on this pink slip. I think I actually laughed at this point cause of the riddiculousness of this situation. I probably shouldn't have done that because stupid 'Jessica' snatched my slip and was going to hand it to her dad, when I suddenly realized what this would mean, and that would this turn out the way THEY wanted.

So I reached out and snatched the paper back, with this snoody english, 'haha!' look on my face. Jessica says "Hey! What the hell are you doing? you can't just do that! You didn't give my dad and his friends(yes she actually said this)the info they wanted!" She stomped her foot and crossed her arms and looked about age 7.

I then said something to the effect of "There's no way in hell they're making me sign the sheet that says I'm COOL with cutting my own legs off, rather then giving you this information you stupid fucking brat!"(PS I really don't mind Ali's sister, but she was a real bitch in this stupid dream). I then took the pink slip and wiggled it in the air in front of her face, "na na na nana na!"

The funny part is, the guys at the door didn't move from the doorway, they were just kind of watched me bug the shit out of Jessica. XD

She crosses her arms and goes "Give that back you stupid bitch!"

I look down at my hand holding the pink slip, then I look at her face, and rage boils inside.

So I rip it in half, crumple it up in a little ball, and toss it at her forehead, it hits and she blinks. I then follow this up by shouting "SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!!!!"

She's grasping for words, her mouth is moving and nothing comes out and finally she chokes out a "w-what?"

and I scream, one more time for effect, "SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!"

and then wake up.

I'm so elegant with words aren't I? Lol, so yes, that was my dream. I woke up thinking I was still yelling at Jessica, telling her to shove it up her ass. I really don't mind Jessica in real life, but good god she's a bitch in my dreams. XD

In hindsight, I really liked this dream. It was very... different. It had an excellent flawed plot, that I enjoyed thoroughly both inside and outside of my dream, and I got to scream shove it up your ass. Which for some reason felt really vindicating, I woke up feeling better about life. I have no CLUE what it meant but it was interesting anyways.

50 things you have never been asked...

1, What color is your toothbrush?
Green

2, Name one person who made you smile today?
Dena

3, What were you doing at 8 am this morning?
SLEEPING

4, What were you doing 45 minutes ago?
Talking about the new condom despenser in the ladies bathroom on the first floor of the E building, and how I saw it was suprised and then laughed. 'Tropical Flavor' 5 Exotic flavors a dollar each. Brought back funny memories

5, What is your favorite candy bar?
Uhhhm Mars or Snickers???

6, Have you ever been to a strip club?
I've walked through one once, during the day. XD

7, What is the last thing you said aloud?
I cleaned it yesterday, it should be fine.

8. What is your favorite ice cream flavor?
eeerm I dunno, I like a variety of flavors.

9, What was the last thing you had to drink?
... Water?

10, Do you like your wallet?
Sure?

11, What was the last thing you ate?
Dinner.

12, Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
Not this week.

13, The last sporting event you watched?
XD Diving at 3 in the morning.

14, What is your favorite flavor of popcorn?
CARAMEL or butter/salt

15, Who is the last person you sent a text message too?
Christina from painting

16, Ever go camping?
Yes! Every year! I loves it.

17, Do you take vitamins daily?
Nope. Sometimes.

18, Do you go to church every Sunday?
LOL no. Very very no.

19, Do you have a tan?
Working on it.

20,Do you prefer Chinese food over pizza?
Depends. I like both.

21, Do you drink your pop with a straw?
Yeah, if I get a straw. Generally straws are a bit of a waste of plastic tho, unless you've got like a smoothie, shake, bubble tea or slurpee... or margarita...

22, What did your last text message say?
What are you doing tonite?

23, What are you doing tomorrow?
Going to the mall with Trev to get him something for his birthday

25, Look to your left, what do you see?
The back of the couch.

26, What color is your watch?
I don't use a watch. My cell is black and silver.

27, What do you think of when you hear Australia?
... Hugh Jackman splashing his lovely self with water -drools- oh and the continent, which I would like to visit at some point. LOL don't get me wrong, I wouldn't mind visiting Hugh Jackman either. ;D

28, What is your birthstone?
Amethyst

29, Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru?
Usually go in. I prefer the drive thru though.

30. What is your favorite number?
3 4 8 9 12 ???

31, Who's the last person you talked to on the phone?
My uncle George?

32, Any plans today?
Bed...

33, How many states have you lived in?
None.

34, Biggest annoyance right now?
School shit, and being alone... and bored.

35, Last song listened to?
Natural Mystic- Bob Marley

36,Can you say the alphabet backwards?
Uhh, with the Seasame street song. XD or if I go forwards and then back.

37, Do you have a maid service clean your house?
My mom and I are the maid service.

38, Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
My skull sneakers.

39, Are you jealous of anyone?
Sure.

40, Is anyone jealous of you?
With out a doubt, no.

41, Do you love anyone?
Not that way.

42, Do any of your friends have children?
Uhhm not immediate friends.

43, What do you usually do during the day?
School, homework, art, writing, music.

44, Do you hate anyone that you know right now?
Not much with the hating, just a bit of lingering dissapointment.

45, Do you use the word 'hello' daily?
On the phone?

46, What color is your car?
Big BLUE Mercedes. XD the van

47, Do you like cats?
As long as they aren't psycho. I love my cats.

48. Are you thinking about someone right now?
A couple someones.

49, Have you ever been to Six Flags?
Nope.

50, How did you get your worst scar?
I'm not sure what my worst scar is. probably the one on my lip from falling down the stairs as a toddler or the scratch on my face from when I was a baby. I've got a couple other ones, but not terrible ones...

It's been a while (0.0 holy shit April) since I've updated my journal, so I figure it's just about time to update again -nodnodnodnod-

Sooo, I've been keeping busy, doing a condensed painting course that almost killed me. (See gallery for results), I'm also taking classes at Uni so I'm busy. BUT IT'S SUMMER, and you know what summer means? Camping and roadtrips bitches! Ok, so less camping more studying, but still. CAMPING SHALL HAPPEN, and it shall be GLORIOUS. Uhm, I've been doing alright. It's really rough being out of highschool, I never get so see anyone anymore, cause we all have our own lives. The internet makes that easier, but still.

I don't know, I've been having kind of a rough time lately. It's really hard to describe what I'm feeling. I've been trying to get healthy and stay healthy. School makes that kind of difficult, and it seems every time I make some kind of progress that I can feel good about, I'll go shopping or do something else, and realize maybe it's not as much progress as I once thought. It may not seem like a big deal, but if you're a person like me, you don't get your hopes up in the dressing rooms, you just don't. I never do, except this one time and it reminded me never to get my hopes up. It just broke me a little inside. I don't know, it just never seems to be enough for me to be happy with myself. Bathingsuits just aren't my thing ya know? Which is shit, cause swimming is my favorite thing to do in the summer, and making that mad dash to the water so the hotties on the beach don't see the flab is just the worst feeling in the world.

I'm also now 'activly' looking for a boyfriend. XD Dork thy name is... I don't know, it's an odd situation and a lot of it probably has to do with me over analysing things, but that's just how I've always been. Anyways, that's going alright I suppose. I'm not good with guys for some reason, just not sure what to say I suppose.

I've also been stressin big time about school(it just sunk in that I have a GPA to maintain), I don't think I've ever been so stressed out about school before. At one point I had a large essay due, a HUGE midterm to study for(from 2000bc-1780s, south asiain history holy fuck), 2 paintings to be finished and an entire novel to be read within the span of 3 days. I didn't sleep or eat much at all this week, we'll leave it at that. Being a perfectionist doesn't help in these situations, but it turned out alright I think. Hit the stopwatch I'm done with that for a while. I've got school once a week now, and if I get bored enough I'll go job hunting, but I doubt I'll find anything. -___- No one can find anything, besides, I have summer activities to plan.

Erm, what else... Camping is happening in July and also August, with a road trip in August too. I get off school completely by August -yay- Until September again. I wanted to try and look for a job again but factors got in the way. Mainly my medical insurance and the economy. I REALLY WANT A JOB, I'm sooooo sick of school and I'm SOOO poor. My fam is in the process of maaaybe buying a new car(for my giant almost 16 year old brother). So we're in the 'let's all survive off of macaroni and cheap things' mode. Not great for the diet, but I'll see what I can do. As for the car, it's perdy, I wants to drive it.

Dream wise; I had a dream last night about me, my dad and my mom smoking cigars in my living room -shrugs- no fucking clue what that means.

Fathers day this weekend guys, don't forget!!!

Oh and I'm looking for skins for this journal, and if I ever figure out how to use these skins(I hear I don't need a suscrip for this now) I shall put said skin on my journal. Yesh.

-BSF

I know I haven't been very active lately and I know why now. It's because I was missing a very important part of my life. My life lacks direction and a sense of knowing, and I want you all to know I love you and where ever my new life takes me, I'll never forget how you've put up with me all these years, but I believe now is the time to come out hiding.

I've found what I was missing, and it's such a simple yet complicated thing. The giant hole in my life has been filled with religion. Yes my friends, I've found a direction in which I can put my entire heart behind. I am a member of the church of Scientology. I believe we have forgotten our true nature and I am working hard to get a job so I can pay my respects to my makers.I'm working towards my goal of building a worshipping sanctuary in my home. My unearthly ancestors need me to remember our past and return to them. I pracise the rights of auditing everyday to try and recall the traumatic events in my former life. I am the happiest I've ever been in my entire life as I move accross the bridge of freedom, and I would reccommend this religion to anyone who was feeling as lost as I was.

Remember Venus?


*UPDATE* Happy April first everyone. I should have done this at noon, I just didn't think about it. Yes, I'm still as Agnostic as ever, and I plan to stay that way.

Stupid people, waking me up in the middle of a freaking awesome dream. I never got back to sleep. I'm sooo depressed. It was a lovely dream.

Ok, so it's a bit weird, actually it's a lot weird, but dream me almost got some. Damn damn damn.

I'll start from the beginning, it's weird. Just warning you. There's a giant fucking squid, floating in the air, above a field, by a city. Me and four other people are sent up this squid, to see what it is. I don't remember what we found out, but I remember it was super fun to slide down the tenticles back to the ground. I do believe there was a race. XD

Anyways, my group is really good looking, there's a guy with curly dark hair and green eyes(yum) he was the explosives expert, a chick who looked Indian perhaps, with long black hair, she was a scientist, another chick who I can't remember from the army, and mr goddamn why did I have to wake up, I don't remember what he did. Who had longish brown-blonde hair with hazel eyes and a nice bod. We're all really happy that we made it and decide to go out for dinner, so we make reservations to meet at a really expensive restataunt and I went home, because it was Christmas.

It was snowing. Yes. Snowing, and there was a giant squid in the sky, but fuck it all if I wasn't going home for Christmas. So there was this whole pointless scene with my family chasing red balloons outside in the snow and something to do with my cat. No apparent reason. Then my 'Grandma' who I've never seen before in my life told us all to go inside to open presents. Which we did. Then I left to go to the restaraunt. I was all dolled up, but it didn't matter because I felt out of place. I was brand new to the anti giant floating squid crew and wasn't really comfortable going for dinner with them.

Anyways, I finally find where they are sitting, and they're already halfway through dinner, but I sit anyways. Curly hair guy who I'm going to call Jay, just because he looks like my character and acted like him too, greeted me and gave me a hug, and we joked around about squid. It was nice, but I knew he had a crush on sarcastic indian chick, who I'm calling Sahara, just because she looked like a Sahara.

So yeh, I'm sitting there chatting with everyone when the waitress comes up. She looks kind of suprised, and pissed off that I'm there and I try and ignore it the best I can, Mr why did I wake up, who I'm calling Glen, gave me a small smile and gave the waitress a 'look' before she started making me a salad, becuase the kitchen was closed. This waitress is prattling on about why I'm in the group, where I'd gone to school, how I had the money to pay for stuff. Glen cleared his throat and she shut up, but not before I got the sense that being in the group that I was must mean that I came from a very wealthy family, which I wasn't, and that she was wondering where I'd gotten all the money. She was trying to get my family name, and I just smiled and feined not realizing what she was looking for.

As I watched, almost in horror as she layered more salad stuff on my plate then I'd ever seen before, like beans, and pepper and bread and lettuce, by the time I got rid of her I had a small pile of salad condiments and no lettuce. Jay, Sahara and Glen all looked terribly amused and I smirked at them because they all new I wasn't that well off. Even if I hadn't known before that they were all rich.

Then the cuteness starts, Jay gets up and wraps his arms around Sahara from behind, before motioning to the dance floor. 'Would you like to dance?' he asks, and Sahara purses her lips, and he kneels down beside her chair and reaches out his hand, a pout slowly forming on her face. I see her hesitate and grin at Jay, "C'mon Sahara, look how cute he looks." I say grinning, and thinking that if it were me, I'd already be on the floor already. Sahara sends me a severe look and then finally nods.

Glenn whoops beside me and we watch them head out to the dance floor. Meatloaf's 'It's All Coming Back to me Now' is playing and they look really cute dancing together. I can't help but sing along under my breath, cause I love that song, and when I glance up, Jay is singing it too. Just... Badly. Sahara is giving him a weird look and then he hits a really bad note and the entire restaraunt turns around to stare at him, and I grin when Jay doesn't take the hint.

It's about this time when I glance at Glenn and he looks like he's thinking about something. Another high note to the song is coming up and to help Jay I sing a bit louder to drown out the sour note. I don't do too bad, and Glenn raises his eyebrows at me when he notices I'm singing, I just shrug and motion towards Jay. He grins at me and pats my leg before motioning towards the dance floor, opening his mouth and I...

WAKE UP! Son of a bitch, so close! I spent the rest of the morning trying to get back into the dream and nooooo, I couldn't go back to sleep. Blarg.